One tiny step forward, a million steps back

Christmas went alright, but only because I spent hours cuddling a chihuahua.

Christmas night went alright as well. Didn't cry and the last half hour or so before I fell asleep was really nice. He played  me Christmas songs and I asked him if there were any songs that reminded him of me. Apparently there were two and he played me one of them. I remembered the song and for two minutes it felt like I was back in the hotel room. We only danced for like..30 seconds of the song I think so last night when I heard the song again I kept thinking "right, now we're dancing, now we're kissing, now we're moving onto the bed etc." When the song finished last night I felt a abit dizzy. I wasn't sure what to say so I asked him if there was a moment - he said there was. I decided to try to create as many moments as possible because I know they happen when I'm chatty and in a slightly better mood. We've had so many talks about these moments, but so far they have been few and far apart so they are not really an issue for him. So I thought, if there's many of them and more frequent I might have a chance. I went to sleep pretty happy with my new plan. Stop thinking about them and put the focus on us instead. Have more moments.

Was in a good mood when I woke up as well. Kept going over how nice last night was. Then I checked facebook. XXXXX is now in a relationship with XXXXXXXX.

Kill me now.